Seconds With Steff

I have so much to say about today, and yet once again, there are no words. I did something I have never done before… I hired a personal tour guide for the day, sat back, and let someone else do the planning, showing, and driving. It was AH-MAZING.

I once again woke before the alarm and started getting ready. I had everything ready to go. Hunter and I filled his Camelbak and headed to breakfast. “By the way, where are your sunglasses?” “I don’t know.” “Super!” The breakfast at this hotel is very nicely done with fresh, fluffy eggs, crispy bacon, and the ever-famous make-your-own waffle station. Little-known fact: Hunter has a really bad gag reflex and will puke (it doesn’t occur often and hasn’t reared its ugly head publicly since The Texan on Route 66), but this morning it was back with a vengeance. Twice. I instantly move, but there just aren’t enough napkins. It’s really, really bad. I take all the napkins and cover everything, get more napkins, clean the best I can, find the staff, explain the situation, and ask for cleaning products. I clean the area and him (not with the cleaning products) and finally have everything settled. Ok — breathing. We can leave. Then he says, “I need a drawing book.” Ugh… we have to run back up to the room!!! I pick up his Camelbak and water goes everywhere — not from the current bladder, but yesterday’s water that must have fallen into the backpack while I was draining the bladder and decided to leak out at that moment. Now we’re just a moving mess of hot, massive insanity.

So, now we are back in the room, grab the drawing book, but the housekeeping door hang tag falls, and suddenly Hunter doesn’t know what “pick that up” means and is commenting in his way, “You’re so frustrated.” That does not help. Halfway down the hall — I forgot to look for the sunglasses. So we went back, looked for the sunglasses… nope… not there… but the hang tag has now completely ripped… Hunter’s commentary has increased; I completely lose my patience, and it’s not even 6:45. I shove the hang tag into the door handle and hope for the best.

We walked the ten steps it took to go next door to the hotel to Adrift Adventures, and the first thing I saw were sunglasses. I say, “Hunter, pick up the cheapest pair you can find.” I had no idea what the sunglasses cost me, but it was all good. And then I look at the man and go, “Do you have Chapstick before we do anything else? Because my lips are a disaster.” And he gave me a tube — literally, it’s called Cat Crap. And then I had to fill out a form. I was in no shape to be filling anything out, and he knows it, so I give the bare information and sign my life away. I look at our guide — “Yay, you’re with us! This is great!” — and we get in the car. I was told later that apparently, I was vibrating at a very high level that morning but came down fairly quickly. But yeah, the morning was rough…

Back to your regularly scheduled programming: When I decided to do a jeep tour today, it was mostly because: 1 — I didn’t understand where the entrance to Canyonlands was, 2 — What there was to do in Canyonlands, and 3 — (And most of all) I didn’t want to drive Potash Road/Shafer Canyon Road. As we said yesterday, I’ve conquered the Sidewinder on Route 66, I’ve driven literally all of the Pacific Coast Highway, and I just survived the Moki Dugway. At this point, I have nothing left to prove. Arches and Canyonlands are practically across the street from each other, and we also don’t need reservations because of the week we’re visiting; I just wanted one day where someone else would show us where we were going, take us to the sights we really wanted to see, and let me be a tourist for real. So, with my reservation, I wrote a note to the tour company explaining who Hunter is and what his interests are, and I received a reply: if I paid for just one more seat, we’d get a private tour. At this point, what’s one more seat…

Mark was our tour guide. I don’t think I could have created a better person to spend the day with. He was absolutely ridiculously knowledgeable, fun to talk to, and super patient with both me and Hunter. If I lived in Moab, I would want him as a bestie. And the best part — his wife has the most gorgeous name. Have you guessed it? Of course — it’s Stephanie.

And so we were off through the backcountry entrance to Arches National Park, where we first got a picture with a sign very few get to see, stopped to see some prairie dogs, and then off-roaded to Tower Arch. “The road is very bouncy…” Yes, Hunter, it really was.

Leaving Tower Arch, we stopped for a funny rock formation — what do you see? — and an arch made of two people kissing, discovered by a couple on their anniversary.

Leaving the backcountry, we entered into the tourist area of the park, starting with Delicate Arch in the viewing area that everybody goes to, as I have fully given up hiking to it. We did drive off the main road a little bit to get an easy view where we didn’t even have to get out of the car. It was fantastic. Not only did we get to see Delicate Arch, but to the right of Delicate Arch is Jabba the Hutt — who knew?

If you can name my top five favourite movies of all time, you are a super-star Stephanie Friend!!! Wanna take a second and get a mental list together? Ok… here we go… 1 – Dr. Zhivago 2 – Citizen Kane 3 – The Goonies 4 – Twister 5 – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade — Except when it’s: 4 – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade 5 – Twister … I can never make up my mind!!!!

I clearly remember going to Brookhaven Multiplex in spring of sophomore year to see the third installment of Indy and leaning to my right to whisper to Kina, “Did you know River Phoenix was in this?” Of course, he was only in it for minutes. We had no idea that we would lose him in four short years. He’s one I don’t think I’ll ever get over. Seeing first Balanced Rock, which opens the movie, and then standing at Double Arch was special — being somewhere he was, in what I imagine was a happy, lighthearted shoot. But the movie is more than River Phoenix’s memory for me — I am a huge Arthurian Legend fan. I showed this film to my students every year during my Arthurian unit. I love the script’s take on the legend and the clues that lead Indy and his dad to the grail.

We were soon on our way out of the park, but not before seeing The Three Gossips from one side and the three individual figures from the other side, a full view of the park, and a few penguins.

Oh, and a pic with the entry sign…

After lunch and a short break back in town, we headed into Canyonlands National Park, which is about 30 miles away from Arches. What you need to know about Canyonlands is that it is massive — 337,598 acres — literally as far as the eye can see, and broken up into three districts. Much like Goldilocks’ three bears, you have Papa Bear’s Maze District — one of the most inaccessible areas in the country; Mama Bear’s Needles District — backcountry requiring camping, hiking, and off-roading; and Baby Bear’s Island in the Sky District — the most visited, with a variety of hiking trails, overlooks, and vistas for photography… it’s just right.

Before even getting into the park, we started in the backcountry again with Potash Road, going past a few fun rock formations and Hunter showing off his strength.

We went past the Potash salt beds, which are dyed a brilliant blue. I didn’t get a picture of that, but I did get a picture of the natural salt flowing down the mountain and the white salt beds.

Then we moved on to Thelma and Louise Point, which doubled for the Grand Canyon at the end of the movie, and we took a selfie with Mark.

A few more miles down the road, he took an amazing picture of the Colorado River at Gooseneck Overlook for me.

We made it into the park – backcountry … we had to move fast cause cars were coming, and it’s a one lane road!

Then we saw Mark’s old canoe…lol

Mark had told me earlier in the day that recently he found a new formation he had never seen before, a woman’s face in a wall. Later on we stopped, and he asked if I saw her. I did — clearly! I saw a profile of a woman … almost witch-like. But I didn’t explain that. He then showed me a picture of the day he found her because the lighting made her lips more pronounced, and suddenly, I was looking at the same exact area, but instead of a profile, there was a full face with two eyes. So crazy!

Then we eventually got to a point where you make a left or right — we made a left with the intention of going to Musselman Arch, but first Mark spotted some bighorn sheep. They — a mom with her two little ones (Mark approximated about a year old).

The road to get to Musselman Arch was less than enjoyable, but I didn’t have to drive it, so I was all good… mostly. Not really… ok. And we saw an arch I cannot remember.

Hunter was really good for the day, but did have some moments. This was one of them. Mark had my phone to take pictures of the arch closer to the edge for me, and got these as well. I didn’t realize until I was looking through the pictures at dinner… if you read this — THANK YOU!

On our return trip, I gravitated toward the middle console, leaning away from the Colorado, returning to the area where he could’ve turned left or right. So we went straight to what is known as Shafer Canyon Road. Remember, I consciously made a decision not to drive this road. I did the Moki Dugway instead, knowing that the Moki Dugway was easier than Shafer Canyon Road, which is a single-lane dirt road with two-way traffic. I was fine with Mark driving because he does it all the time. I mean, I was mostly fine with being a passenger — as long as I didn’t have to look, I was good. Yes… that was 100% true. Mostly.

When we got to the top, I looked… sort of. I took pictures while we were driving — mostly while not looking. Listen, I don’t know what to tell you… I don’t like heights. There was a moment in sixth grade when I was on the second floor of the barn at the farm at my middle school (yes, we had a working animal farm… I know), I realized I did not like heights. Nothing spectacular happened… I just don’t like them. It hasn’t stopped me — I still do stuff — but I don’t like them.

But it was an incredible drive. I’m very grateful I didn’t have to perform it — thank you, Mark. It was unbelievable. I got out of the car at the top. He took a picture of me sitting on a log, and I braced myself on that log the entire time I was atop it. And there you go. I also took the pictures looking down at what he drove — excellent job. You can see the pictures of the road before, during, and after the trip.

We made our way out of the park through the front entrance …

And our tour was over. It was absolutely, ridiculously, 1,000,000,000% worth every penny… amazing. Really, truly, ridiculously, unbelievably relaxing, and amazing. I felt like one of those families in Disney that has the tartan plaid guide that takes them around to places. It was just stupidly great and fantastic. I’m so, so grateful for today.

Then Hunter and I did some unnecessary shopping in town — because you know — my hoodie addiction. We had a really great dinner across the street from the hotel at a restaurant called The Broken Ore. Because they gave us 10% off — and why not? I got what Mark had recommended — The Oar Burger — a burger with pastrami, bacon, and Swiss, and sweet potato fries with cinnamon sugar, salt, caramel drizzle, and lemon zest… Oh My Gawd! Hunter got the chicken parm and … you guessed it … pasta!

Then Mark suggested we take an after-dinner drive on a road called the Dinosaur Diamond Scenic Byway (it’s 500 miles — we did 20 minutes). He told us to turn around once we came to a ranch and come back, but that the drive back would be totally different — and it was beautiful both ways.

Another full day, and I’m wiped… We are sleeping in tomorrow!

Unreliable Summary — a tour of two parks, two movie spots, and another scary drive.